Dear diary:
I did not think think that things could affect me so bad again, like returning to the dark days and black atmosphere of my life at Gateshead and of my first weeks at Lowood. The party was full of rich and high class people, and I could not avoid the feeling of being a misfit there, of not belonging among them. i felt so bad that I even wished that I was back teaching at Lowood instead of being a governess at Thornfield. An enormous feeling of fear took over me, and I had a great desire of running away from the party and be alone, only with the silent and comprehensive company of my drawing pencil and sketch book. I was silent, hiding by the shadow of the curtain, wishing it absorbed me into it, and thinking in how this overwhelming feeling of fear and captivity was similar, almost exactly equal as the ones I had in the red room, back in Gateshead, an also similar to the feelings I held when Mr. Brocklehurst made me stand in the stool and humiliated me in front of everyone at Lowood. This memories of the worst moments of my life
strike hard, and I was there silent and pale as paper, feeling far worse than sick and wishing that dead could grab my neck and stick his cold, colourless fingers on my pale flesh and just take me out of here. Blanche Ingram and her mother were talking about governesses, a subject that was brought up after the sudden appearance of Adêle, as they asked about her learning process and ways. They were talking of how bad and absent minded governesses were, and I was there listening to their talk, and saw how they evilly acted as if they did not know about my miserable presence in the room. I then realised that one of the reasons of my bad memories, apart from the ill treatment I was receiving by the Ingrams, was that Missis Ingram reminded me to Missis Reed, and she reminded me of everything that was bad and injustice in my early youth. I was forced by Mr. Rochester to be here at the party and to stay, and I was expecting that Mr. Rochester could understand my pain, or even look at me, but he did not do neither of both. Although the room was full of people talking, drinking and laughing, and although there was a general atmosphere of enthusiasm and joy, I felt alone in there, not even in company of Mr Rochester, like if every person there was a statue, cold and hard in the outside,shallow and snob, as I knew almost every person were untruthful. As Blanche Ingram continued to talk about how disgusting governesses were, I was taken back in time again, and I was again at the scene of the stool at Lowood, hearing with a dark pressure on my heart the false speech and false accusations of Mr Brocklehurst about my wickedness and ability to deceive, and how I was not to be talked to nor be friend of anyone at Lowood. The same feeling of loneliness and humiliation surrounded my soul and again I felt like a misfit in the room. I wished to departure from the room, and I was sure that if Mr Rochester would have looked at my eyes he would have notices that. As soon as I had a chance, I left the room. I felt relieved, and leaving the heavy atmosphere behind helped me a lot on controlling my emotions, but it was soon still to feel much better. This relieve did not last long, because I heard Mr Rochester voice at my back, as I was standing up after tying my sandal. I looked at him, just as I looked at him at the party, with pain in my eyes. He had no characteristics of a handsome man, but somehow he looked handsome to me, and I remember I thought the same at the party. He asked about my departure from the room, and I replied saying I felt tired. He notice how pale I was and asked me what was the matter. I lied. and said that nothing happened to me, but he noticed the pain in my eyes, my tears about to drop and the disenchanted spark of my eyes. He then let me go, but said I was to be in the hall every night with the guests of Thornfield. I felt much better after talking to Mr Rochester, but I did not know how I was going to endure the punishment that was being in the hall with those people every single night for the following days. But there was a thinking much harder in something else, I was thinking in what I felt for Mr Rochester. I do not know if it is love, probably it is not, but I had not another idea of what it could be.
Rationale
The diary entry consists mainly of Jane`s feeling towards the situation of the party in chapter 17, and how she reacts and thinks in the situation she is in and towards the interactions between other characters. I had to try to use most cultural and elevated words and forms of writing to represent the context and Jane`s form of writing, with a lot of description, adjectives ,etc. I chose to do a diary entry mainly because it has the power of being full of emotions and feelings from the person who writes it, so it`s easier to expand ideas and to describe situations, as it is based in subjective thoughts. The hard part is imitating the writing style and form of thinking of the character who is writing the diary. The audience is primary Jane, as she is the only want who reads her diary, and is intended to be a sort of relieve for her emotions as she writes them down. The task is set in the Victorian times, in England. The Victorian times had characteristics such as sever treatment an education towards children, and others. The main aspects explored in this text are the writing style of Jane and her emotions being explained and developed, as she uses the diary to express herself.
1)There is a black woman that walks through the fields pressing a flower to her cheek, the sun is warming her feet, then she is on the sea, and the tides wet her.
